i think ive asked my self that about a million times(no joke) over the past few weeks.

honesty i have no idea WHY. i know what can be changed what ive offered to change. but how can some one see change if they refuse to be where the change is takeing place???

im told "i just dont wanna be there. I just dont wanna be around you. I love you> I dont want a divorce.I just dont know what I want."

How do you not know what you want??? How do you not wanna be around some one but not know why???

so 2 months seperation was suggested and slowly ever so slowly i feel a part of my self dyeing and no matter how hard i try i feel hatred consumeing me. Hateing him with every move i make. Hateing what im going thru. Hateing not knowing. I hate people i never thought i could hate. I have welcomed people into my life that i once swore id never become friends with again. But i have.

slowly i feel myself changeing. at night when Jamie is asleep and i lay in the dark shedding silent unnoticed tears. Did i ever think something could hurt soo much? No. never could i have ever imagined how much this would hurt. my heart and my soul.

i have been asked "will you let him back? Can you let him back?"

the awencer as of right now is YES. i would like nothing more than for him to come home. to hold me and tell me things will be ok. To tell me how sorry he is. To feel his skin against mine his lips against mine.To kiss my tears and help all this pain go away.